Her story

She is tired, ready to collapse. Her grief is gone unnoticed. All she wants are some loving arms who will hold her when she is about to fall, tell her she need not worry. She isn’t a failure yet she has been labelled one. No matter what she does, the tag of failure follows her everywhere. She badly wants to walk away from toxicity but it appears toxicity is drawn to her like a pair of magnets to iron. All she wants is a way out of her house…out into the open somewhere, where she will not be judged for what she isn’t! She wants to breathe. Yeah, you would say, she is alive ‘coz she is breathing. But her breathing is ragged, uneven. 

Her heart beats mechanically. Is she wrong in looking for a place to escape her grief or coping with her emotions? Doesn’t she deserve her space? If only her folks understood this, she would have healed faster! Their concept of healing is work. Work isn’t a solution to everything especially when it comes to base emotions. It cannot act like a cotton dab on the blood flowing out of the veins. It cannot be an insurance to emotions. She only wished her family understood this. She was dying a slow death daily. It was just gonna be a matter of time when she would crash somewhere never to wake up again.

How long do u think she was going to lug her baggage? How long do u think she was going to sustain this pressure. It was a matter of time – today, tomorrow, day after tomorrow? She was awaiting death with open arms but death wasn’t awaiting to embrace her! Her inner turmoils were to end soon and so she thought of a sharp knife and her veins. Her earlier attempts had made her withdraw at the last minute. She halted and paused! 

Each time, she went to sleep, she waited to go into a deep sleep (perhaps not wanting to wake up the next day). Her mind wasn’t equipped to handle this low. Life should have been rosy by now (the age). She dreamt of killing herself daily! Her heart was often extra loaded with lowly thoughts! This had to stop! Thoughts engulfed her daily…only time she was calm was at night. She had to prove she was strong. But why o why did she have to prove that? Why did she have to give daily reports on her “progress”? There were times she wanted to tell her parents to STOP! The name-calling had to end!

Her need to go into the deepest slumber was growing stronger each day! All she needed was a drip -  a vaccine to erase her worst memories!